Posts tagged putin

If your friends don’t have children, you’re pretty much fucking dead to them. If they do have kids, then chances are you already stopped dragging their kept asses around the second they became fathers.

The best thing to do, is when one of you gets a lady friend pregnant, become a band of brothers and decide to go forth into fatherhood together. Kind of like The Deer Hunter. The difference is, one ends up with you all sitting round a table putting loaded revolvers in your mouths, and the other is The Deer Hunter. BOOM.

Also, pro tip; If you do all decide to get a woman pregnant at the same time, try to pick different women, not the same one. That’s just bukkake.

This half assed clown knows what I’m talking about. All covered in Bro-gurt. 

Alternatively, if you are the first to have kids, you can always wait for your BFF’s to catch up. Then you get to be that smug douche that tells everyone how hard it’s going to be. When your friends say “I know”. You can then give them the ultra-dickish ‘do you really?’ smile. 

Putin is a fucking black-belt at this.